Gratitude Plus Vitality

How Appreciation Shifts Energy and Fosters Resilience

I wish I could say that I live in a state of gratitude. But that would be a lie. I can tell when I’ve slipped out of gratitude. It’s subtle at first…until it’s not.

I start judging other people’s choices (“Why can’t he just…?”), stacking “shoulds” like sandbags (“I should be further along.” “She should know better.”), or replaying conversations with a mental red pen.

That’s my cue that my nervous system has drifted toward control instead of connection. Gratitude, it turns out, is one of the fastest ways to recalibrate. It’s a regenerative act - literally rewiring the brain to release dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins (that powerful D.O.S.E. of happy hormones).

When practiced sincerely, gratitude restores vitality not by pretending everything’s fine, but by reconnecting us to what’s real and meaningful. It loosens the grip of judgment, quiets the “shoulds,” and brings us back into the present moment - where life is actually happening.

As I wrote in The Gratitude Twofer, gratitude gives twice: once to the giver, once to the receiver. It’s an energy exchange that multiplies as it moves.

The Energy Shift of Gratitude

Gratitude transforms our energy in ways both subtle and immediate. When you pause to recognize what’s good, you interrupt the brain’s negativity bias; that deeply embedded tendency to scan for threats and problems. This momentary pause sends a signal to the nervous system: You’re safe.

From there, energy that was tied up in vigilance becomes available for creativity, connection, and even joy. Gratitude expands what’s possible by freeing up capacity.

Now this is not about toxic positivity or papering over pain. It’s about zooming out just enough to see the full picture - the struggle and the support, the effort and the progress, the pain and the growth.

As I shared in From Guilt to Gratitude, guilt keeps us circling what’s missing; gratitude reorients us toward sufficiency. That shift alone changes how we show up: in conversations, in decisions, and in how we care for ourselves and others.

The Practice That Builds Resilience

When life feels heavy, the smallest gratitude practice can begin to lift the load.

Try this: before bed, note three things—not just the obvious wins, but what didn’t fall apart. What surprised you. What softened your edges.

Or, if journaling feels like homework, start your day with one text of appreciation. A quick “thinking of you” or “thanks for being in my corner.” In Growing with Gratitude, I called these “micro-practices of connection”, because they ripple outward in ways you can’t always predict.

And don’t forget the body. Gratitude isn’t only mental; it’s physiological. A few slow breaths to feel the settle of appreciation in your chest, the way the shoulders drop, the jaw loosens. That’s vitality returning.

When Gratitude Feels Out of Reach

Some days, gratitude feels far away. That’s not failure—it’s feedback.

When I can’t access gratitude, I know something deeper is misaligned. Either my boundaries have been crossed, my values are being challenged, or my body’s waving a white flag: You’re running on empty.

That awareness itself is a form of gratitude—a signal that I care enough to notice.

So rather than forcing it, I start small. Gratitude for the coffee that didn’t spill. The technology that worked today. The friend who texted back. Gratitude for what is NOT wrong, right now. Gratitude grows best when it’s fed by attention, not obligation.

A Practice for November: Gratitude in Motion

This month, as we move through gratitude season, try this somatic check-in:

“What does relief feel like in my body?”

If you can identify that exhale—the moment when the shoulders drop and the nervous system sighs—you’ve found gratitude’s resting place. Carry that sensation into your connections, your commitments, and your calendar. Speak it out loud when you can. As I wrote in Dear Journal, when we speak from gratitude, it up-regulates every conversation.

Gratitude as Regeneration

Gratitude is not a transaction—it’s a renewable source of energy. It regenerates mental focus, emotional stability, and even physical calm. It invites us to slow down just long enough to see how much we’re already held—by people, by timing, by grace.

And that awareness is vitality in action.

Because vitality doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from noticing more - what’s already working, what’s already enough, and what, in hindsight, we’re profoundly grateful didn’t happen.

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