Gaining The Mental Edge

When Boundaries Become Too Rigid

In August, DRIVEN explored boundaries as containers for vitality—protective structures that keep us from leaking energy by over-committing. But here’s the catch: boundaries, like Tupperware, come in all shapes and sizes. Some fit just right. Others have mismatched lids and leave your soup spilling everywhere. And some are sealed so tightly that even adults struggle to get access.

This month, we’re looking at the other extreme: when boundaries become too rigid.

On the surface, strong boundaries can look healthy. We say “no” to protect our time, we stick to routines that keep us grounded, we avoid situations that might drain us. But if we’re not careful, those protective measures start morphing into armor—and armor has a way of cutting us off from the very things that give us vitality: spontaneity, joy, connection and growth.

What Rigid Boundaries Look Like

Rigid boundaries can show up in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways:

·         Withdrawing from opportunities or relationships “just to be safe.”

·         Saying “no” automatically, without checking in with our actual capacity.

·         Over-scheduling so tightly that there’s no room for surprise.

·         Clinging to routines or rules that once served us but now restrict us.

I’ll admit, I lean toward the rigid side myself. I love my guardrails. Habits keep me efficient, structure helps me function, and planning ahead feels like oxygen. But underneath those tidy calendars and color-coded systems? A whole lot of stories.

The Stories We Hold

These stories have been with me for years. Some, I absorbed knowingly. Others? They have been lodged and growing so quietly I didn’t even realize they were shaping me. Stories like:

·         “I can always cram one more task into my schedule.”

·         “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

·         “Being nice means always being available.”

Sound familiar? These aren’t just personal quirks—they’re cultural scripts. They tell us who we’re supposed to be, how we should spend our time, and what earns us belonging. And once those stories are in place, they can sneakily harden into rules. Rigid rules.

Which is where mental energy comes in.

Why Call It the Mental Edge?

Mental energy, as I see it, isn’t about how many thoughts you can juggle at once (mislabeled “multi-tasking”: a quick road to spinning in circles and mental exhaustion). It’s about sustaining attention—being able to focus, stay engaged, listen with open ears, and maintaining your regulation.

The mind is often the architect of rigid boundaries. It tells us:

·         What’s “safe.”

·         What’s “productive.”

·         What’s “nice” or “necessary.”

In doing so, it can mistake control for peace. That’s the edge: discernment on one side, rigidity on the other. Mental energy helps us walk that edge with balance. But if our stories go unquestioned, we fall off into over-protection, over-control, and ultimately, stagnation.

Flow, Flexibility & Re-Engagement

Vitality doesn’t thrive in bunkers—it thrives in movement. Energy isn’t just something to be preserved; it’s something to be expressed, circulated, shared.

So, the real work here isn’t tearing down boundaries. It’s checking in:

·         Where have I over-corrected?

·         What structures once helped me but now fence me in?

·         What stories am I living by—and are they mine, or just ones I absorbed?

·         When I say yes or no, am I honoring my capacity or serving an old script?

Sometimes, recalibrating a boundary is as simple as loosening your grip. Instead of always saying “no”, try a “let me think about it.”  Instead of filling every block on your calendar, leave an open block for serendipity. Instead of clinging to a rule that made sense last year, ask if it still serves you today.

Finding the Middle Way

Boundaries aren’t meant to be bunkers; they’re meant to be containers. Too porous, and your vitality leaks out. Too rigid, and your vitality gets trapped inside.

The middle way is about flow—staying steady while remaining open, structured yet adaptable, discerning without being defensive. It’s about giving your mental energy space to focus not on maintaining armor, but on engaging fully with the present.

After all, vitality isn’t just about protecting what you have. It’s about daring to spend it where it matters most.

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